First Meanderings
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Of Music, Technology and Random Meanderings I've certainly covered Music to death. Time for a little meandering.
This afternoon, thanks to reddit, I came across the Psychology Today article Friendship: The Laws of Attraction. I run about 50/50 on the PT articles I've come across. As a child my parents subscribed to the dead-tree version of the mag, and as far as I'm concerned there's just as much evidence to prove that the existence of it in our household hurt my upbringing as much as helped it.
Regardless I found this article particularly resonant. I keep a close circle of true friends... so close I can count them all on one hand with fingers to spare. I'm extremely particular when it comes to who I spend my meager free time with and prior experience has taught me that it pays to be forthright about this. Occasionally I ruffle feathers in the process. As such, this particular passage, wherein the author outlines the evolution of a relationship with a onetime coworker moved on, hit home:
In lieu of complaining about our bosses, I told her about my concerns that I wasn't ready to move in with my boyfriend. She listened politely, but she never divulged anything personal about her own life. Eventually our lunches petered out to once a month, before she drifted out of my life for good. I was eager to tell her my problems, but she wasn't eager to tell me hers. The necessary reciprocity was missing, so our acquaintanceship never tipped over into friendship.That necessary reciprocity she's referring to is effectively outlined earlier in the article here:
...Self-disclosure characterizes the moment when a pair leaves the realm of buddyhood for the rarefied zone of true friendship. "Can I talk to you for a minute?" may well be the very words you say to someone who is about to become a friend.Indeed. There is the rare occasion (less and less so as I age) where I find myself opening up to someone who hasn't positioned themselves appropriately. More often I find that people are all too willing to open up and share intimate personal information with me. While this article didn't explain why this tends to occur it did shed a bit of light on why I subconsciously react the way I do. It's a short, worthwhile read.
posted by josefek @ 6:22 PM,
1 Comments:
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At 7:11 AM,
alexis [kn0thing] said...
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Glad to see that reddit has been keeping you well distracted :-)
But you're right, this was indeed a good read.